Not to be confused with Zach Schmiddy
Not to be confused with Weird Al Yankovich
Funk is what cool people have tons of. If you have no Funk, then you are definitely not cool. You need to step away, man. Not cool.
Funk was invented in the late 17th century by Sir Isaac Newton, following the success of his previous innovation; gravity. He later would go on to form the greatest hair metal band in recorded history. Unfortunately, no recordings exist of their performances, because Walkmans were not widely used until many years later.